Real Life
Pink Shoe LaRue: Tired of being his mothafuckin' mistress?

Good day playaz! As I do so often, I would like to thank Jesus Christ for bestowing me with the magnanimous gift for dis here grandiloquent pimpin’. Today I woke up with the sniffles and a bit of pain in my lower-back, but the thought of breaking down a ho’s mind and violently sabotaging a trick’s pockets inspired me to levitate out of bed, and shroud myself in a gorgeous, silk bathrobe. This bathrobe could make a pregnant pussy so wet dat it could drown a baby being born. Let’s get into one of the thousands of fan-mails I have received today.

Emma writes:

“Dear Pink Shoe LaRue,

I’ve got a serious problem and I hope you can give me some insight on the situation. There’s this guy, whom I’ve been friends with for many years, that I’ve been having “relations” with for about 2 years now. He’s dating a girl now, and I just can’t get my mind off him. He cheats on her with me, because he says that I am irresistible and he constantly desires me. I feel bad for allowing it..But I’m in love with him. I don’t want to be with anyone else but him. I’m searching for ways to take him away from her, because she treats him horribly. I know this is an awful thing to do, but I just can’t give up. What should I do?

Sincerely,

The hot little skeleton in his closet.”

Pink Shoe LaRue’s Response:

There comes a moment in every woman’s life. Sometimes it only happens once, sometimes it happens on a daily basis. Whatever the case may be… there come’s a time when a ho needs to ask herself: “Am I his main-chick, or just another one of his side-bitches?”

I don’t care if you are married, datin’, whatever. He may be the most giving, soft-ass, gentle husband you ever seent. Brangin’ you puppies and dandelions and shit. That doesn’t mean you’re his main-chick. A wedding ring is just another clunk of broken dreams at the pawn shop.

So all my ladies out there. And fellas too, you can reverse the roles and ask yourself this: Are you the main-chick, or just another side-bitch?

I had anywhere from ten to twelve different ho’s workin’ the strip in Vegas for me at one time, all humpin’ Daddy’s rent money up. Every single one of them funky ass ho’s knew about the other one. However, that did not change the fact that Mary Jane, my main-bitch, was the target of much hostility and conflict. Mary Jane was the most beautiful bitch you ever seent. She had a platinum pussy, that could make a trick sign his paid off 5 bedroom house over. I even let her ride in the front seat of my Cadillac!!!!!!!!!! I also spent a lot of money keepin’ her in tip-top shape. Got her fur coats, diamond bracelets, regular doctor and dentist visits, silk sheets, a Honda Accord all dat shit. The ramifications of this were brutal. Tia, my top side-bitch, could not take seein’ it anymore. She wanted the fur coats, the Moet & Chandon, the filet mignons, almond encrusted trout, all you can eat crab legs, new heels etc. All tha shit that Mary Jane got.

Now Tia was BAD. Her body was shaped like a Coke bottle with ice cream in it. Mmm mmm mm. If Mary Jane was on her monthly bleedin’ cycle or tired, or used up from too many trick dicks purchasing her pussy, Tia was always the first bitch I would slather with my manhood. And she was fierce. She sucked my balls like a baby-goat suckling his mama goats swollen teat.

Anyway, Tia realized that she had no place in a man’s household if she is the side-bitch and not the main-bitch. So she formulated a plan, and manipulated a pimp: she left. Boned out. Took off. Not to be found.

This had a pimp worrying frantically. “Oh baby Tia, my dear gorgeous bitch, where did you go?” I would ask the moon every night looking from my penthouse balcony. Mary Jane, my beautiful main-bitch, would say things like “Good, fuck her. She had a bad attitude.” or “Oh well baby, you still got me.”

At night, Mary Jane would try to fornicate with my amazing penis, and I would reject her passes. I just missed my top side-bitch Tia. Mary Jane got stagnant and too comfortable. I had no use for her any longer.

Finally, one day I received a phone call from a private number. “Hello? This is perfectly put together Pink Shoe LaRue, the most savage and simply amazing pimp in the tri-state area. Who is this?” I answered.

“Tia.” A sullen, raspy voice said on the other line.

“Oh Tia, darling! My gorgeous Tia. How I miss thee!” I yelped.

“You don’t miss shit, you just love Mary Jane.” Tia said confrontationalizing me.

“No Tia, BABY. Mary Jane has nothing on you. I need you baby, please come home.” I pleaded.

After working my incredibly structured pimp game on Tia’s ho mind, I finally persuaded her to come home. But she only came under the condition that she got promoted to main-bitch, and Mary Jane got demoted to BOTTOM bitch. I had to agree though, I didn’t realize Tia’s platinum pussy value until she left.

Before you blinked your eyes, Tia was at my doorstep with her luggage. That night, she got to ride in the front seat of my Cadillac, and even got lobster tail for dinner!

So Emma, what I am saying to you, and anyone who feels like they are nothing more than a side-bitch, is: permanently leave for a temporary amount of time. He is too comfortable in his mind, and knows he can have you whenever he wants. You need to make him miss you. Make him realize he doesn’t love his main-bitch as much as he loves you. Starve him of your platinum pussy. Then call him in a few weeks after he has been frantically searching for you, and demand you get promoted to main-bitch. If he don’t have a hot piece of filet mignon on your plate that night for dinner, my name ain’t Pink Shoe LaRue. And trust me: my name IS Pink Shoe LaRue.

Godspeed, Emma. RESPECT THE GAME and valuate dis here pimpin’.

If you need help transforming your office, winning a lost-lover back, improving your sex life, or financial situation, emailPinkShoeLaRue@gmail.com and I will respond in a timely manner.

229 notes   -  18 February 2012
229 notes
reblogged from pinkshoelarue
originally posted by pinkshoelarue

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